Crucial Dementia Care Lessons from Bill Walters, a Caregiver’s Son

Lisa Skinner: 00:00:00

Hi everybody. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to another new episode of the truth lies and Alzheimer's show. I'm Lisa Skinner, your host, and once again, I have invited a very special guest to be here with us today. He has a really compelling story. He took care of his mother for six years, and she not only had Alzheimer's disease, but she also suffered from Lewy body dementia. For those of you who haven't heard me say this before, a person living with more than one brain disease simultaneously is actually not that uncommon. So today, we have a very heartwarming story about a gentleman who took care of his mother with two brain diseases at the same time, I am really excited about hearing all of his experiences with that. So without further ado, let me go ahead and introduce you to Mr. Bill Walters, and today I'm going to let Bill tell you a little bit about himself, and then we will get right into the discussion about his caregiving journey with his mom. Hi, Bill. Welcome to the truth lies and Alzheimer's show. I'm really excited about you being here to share your story with the audience. It really touched me when you and I were talking before we set up the interview. So I really thought it was a special story to tell, and I have absolutely no doubt that a lot of people listening today will definitely be able to relate to a lot of the things that you shared with me. So anyway, I'm so happy to have you here.

Bill Walters: 00:02:15

Well, thank you so much for the opportunity to meet you and your wonderful audience. It's it's a it's a pleasure to share my story and to give people insights on what the journey was like, the good, the bad and the indifferent, right? Because it's a learning curve. And if I could shorten the learning curve for anyone that your audience from trials of love and tribulations, to five minutes spending time with me. I'm happy to do so, because it's all about love, right? Because you love the person you're with, and you want the best possible outcome or the best economic, social situation for them so they can live their life in the golden years as truly golden,

Lisa Skinner: 00:03:03

yeah? And I think that we all desperately want the same thing. So yeah, it's this is going to be a really special discussion, I think, for everybody, based on a lot of the things you shared with me already, do you want to tell a little bit about yourself and your background.

Bill Walters: 00:03:21

Sure, I'm the founder and CEO of perfectly imperfect families, and in that world, I help people plan for their retirement and then reorganize their 401 ks and their high roast into something that lasts a lot longer than just having to rely on your Social Security check. And so that's what I do for a living. But you know what I talk to people about most is long term care planning and what I went through and how to prepare for that.

Lisa Skinner: 00:04:06

Well before we close today, we definitely want to let everybody know what your website is and how they can find you, because I know that that is a topic that is weighing very heavily on people's minds today. So if anybody wants to, you know, contact you and maybe continue this conversation with you personally. We'll give them your contact information.

Bill Walters: 00:04:32

Yeah, I think it's it's key, because with the current situation of Social Security running out of money by 2035 and so many people relying on that as a way to make ends meet in retirement, they need a game plan to move forward in the future

Lisa Skinner: 00:04:51

without a doubt, and there's so many baby boomers that are trying to make that happen now. But it's a scary proposition for a lot of people, so Yeah, glad to know that there are people like you out there that might be able to help guide the way with that. So let me ask you a question. Were you seeing signs and symptoms of cognitive decline in your mom prior to her being diagnosed with the two brain diseases that she apparently had, the Lewy Body Dementia along with Alzheimer's disease. What? What were you seeing prior to, actually, you know, being compelled to take her to the doctor.

Bill Walters: 00:05:49

So my mom was pretty sharp, and on her a game, she would repeat some stories, you know, in the same conversation. But it wasn't, it wasn't at an annoying level or rate, you know, and it was, it was just a repeat. So it really didn't kick in until my, my dad was on his deathbed, and, you know, grabbed my forearm and said, Take care of mom. And and I said, Yeah, Dad, I got this. And then he leaned up and really grabbed my forearm the stern grip, and he said, I said, take care of mom. And I said, Yeah, Dad, I heard you the first time. I'm going to take care of mom. I didn't know what that meant, right? But upon his passing, my mom aged on physical appearance side 10 years in in a week because her life. They were married for 60 years, and they did everything together. They talked on the phone together. If they were talking to me, one was on one phone, the other was on the other line. They they did. They didn't do anything separate. They were like best friends. So she lost her best friend, and she just and she just aged right quick. And we went in for her to our heart doctor first, and because she has a she had aortic stenosis, and it was not operable based on her age. And I was warned about the how it was going to progress at that point, and then I was referred to what we commonly call an elderly care doctor, and it's that time that she was diagnosed with not from her general practitioner, but by an elderly care doctor that she had both

Lisa Skinner: 00:07:52

Now this was a process of elimination. They just basically went through a series of things that it might be, things that it could be, and when all of those possibilities were eliminated, then they just whittled it down to, well, how did they, how did, how did they kind of make the determination that she was living with two different brain diseases at the same time,

Bill Walters: 00:08:25

so I don't know. Have you ever seen what they do for the cognitive tests? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So based on the results from the cognitive test and remembering things in sequence and saying things and then having them repeat it back, and then a time delay of repeat it back, and things like that. They used an analysis from when we went on an appointment prior to my dad's death, just to get a baseline, because I was on top of was on top of what I thought was happening, which was with the repeating of memory, and we just had a baseline at that point, and then we saw the what the baseline was after his death. And that's really what brought the beginning of the onslaught of both diseases, as I call it, or the downgrading of a one sharp accounting mind.

Lisa Skinner: 00:09:27

So your first indication that there was something possibly cognitively happening with your mom was the repeating questions and stories in the same conversation,

Bill Walters: 00:09:44

yeah, within a half hour, repeating the same story.

Lisa Skinner: 00:09:49

So she was already in her mid stage when that happened is that that behavior typically shows up mid stage, and before that, as I've talked about. So many times on this show, it's so difficult to really differentiate between normal aging process and an actual brain disease causing the symptoms, and that is one of the most common things that we see, is when they start repeating themselves. But it typically doesn't occur until about mid stage, when most people say, Okay, I gotta, I've gotta make an appointment with the doctor, and then they start doing all the tests. And narrow it down to one of the 200 brain diseases that we know of that cause dementia. So this is really very consistent. The one thing that it definitely reminds me of is one thing that you said how quickly she declined after your father passed away, because I don't know if I mentioned this to you, Bill, but I've had eight family members that have lived with one of the brain diseases or several of the brain diseases that cause dementia, and what you just said about your mom was 100% true of My mother in law, he covered for her for so many years. And you know, there were certain things that some of us noticed, but we just kind of dismissed it. But I'll tell you, as soon as he passed away, she declined so quickly that there was no question in our mind that that what we were dealing with and that she actually had been living with it, probably for a decade before. So this sounds very similar to your personal experience.

Bill Walters: 00:11:55

Yeah, it, it was, it was hidden because he filled in the potholes. Yeah, right. So he wasn't as mobile or as helpful around the house, but he was still cognizant and did and paid attention and and, you know, filled in the cracks, and so you didn't really notice, right when, but when she I mean, I think that the biggest thing was, is that when she forgot that she's an accountant and our own purpose, I used to have her do my taxes every year, and then at one point, she just said, I forgot. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do your monthly general ledger. And it was about a month before my taxes were due, and I said, so what were you doing when I was asking you if you when I was turning in all my receipts and asking if you're doing the monthly she goes, I was trying, but my mind wasn't having me fill in the blanks. Like, okay, I said, Do you still want to go with me to the accountant's office and present the packages? She said, No, I don't want to go. Okay. So that was like, that was a wake up call, because that was her passion. She used to get dressed up, get her accolades, go in there. She'd see the accountant, and she would present this unique bow package, literally of a walk for an entire year of of financial practices. And my accountant used to get a big kick out of it because she was so detail oriented and didn't miss anything down to the penny. And he would say, it's so easy to do your return, because you have these monthly recs, and then you total them up for me, and all I'm doing is put numbers in. I feel guilty taking your money to file taxes for you, but I did that to keep her sharp right. Yeah, and, and when she couldn't do it anymore, it was a real resounding wake up call, because the first thought was, okay, is she susceptible to phone scams, or is she susceptible family members coming over to borrow money and not let me know about it, stuff like

Lisa Skinner: 00:14:14

that, and it sounds like she was very, very well aware of her cognitive impairment, that it was happening. About 50% of the people who live with dementia are aware, and about 50% are not aware, and sound like she was well aware of her decline, her declining.

Bill Walters: 00:14:39

Yes, always pleasant, always smiling. Dietary changes, meaning that she likes sweets and salty stuff more than ever before, but not irritable. Mood, angry, throwing things. There was no issues, no violence. She was COVID. Mom followed instruction perfect entire time, the whole time, yeah, it was no, there was no issues whatsoever. It was like a giant teddy bear, you know, like a life size teddy bears, you know, all five, five foot of her was just, you know, I'm a grandma, and she enjoyed it because the, you know, the grandkids were around, and she was able to interact with them on a daily basis, even if it was for 10 minutes. And so when, when she was interacting with them, she was on her best behavior, on her a game, asking the right questions, things like that. Now, are Are you an only child? I am an only child,

Lisa Skinner: 00:15:42

so you really took on the full responsibility of looking after your mom. What was your initial reaction? Your response to hearing the elderly care doctor confirm what you were probably already suspicious of, what was the very next thing you did after he confirmed that,

Bill Walters: 00:16:11

oh, boy, this sounds so bad. When I came home, I switched my house had a fourth room that I called a library, and I switched that library to her bedroom and put it on the first floor and bought a mattress cover that was waterproof because I knew what was coming, because I was reading the books, and at that point, it was all hands on deck, because she was still okay on her feet. She was walking with a cane, and she called her cane candy. So it was Can't she then she nicknamed the candy cane. So she was walking with a cane. Yeah, Christmas, she used to wrap a a tinsel. Around it, red tinsel all the way around to the top when she walked around and just to be festive with her cane. But you know, we was probably within three months of that that she was definitely there was balance issues, and she was a fall risk. And we removed all anything that was loose, like a like carpet that there wasn't permanent carpet. We had to install hand and lift rails, and then throughout the house and in the bathroom to push up from. And then we installed what I call the world's ugliest rope to and instead of where the towel used to hang, we drilled into the wall and gave her a rope so that she could pull herself up on the rope to get off the toilet. If, if she didn't have the strength to push down to lift herself up off the toilet, or she would call us, but she's the great idea. Yeah,

Lisa Skinner: 00:18:01

so considering your background and the fact that she was an accountant, did your family prior to the diagnosis, already have all your legal documents in place for POA and all the different documents that are available out there, or was that still something that you had to kind of scramble and take care of after your diagnosis?

Bill Walters: 00:18:33

So when my dad passed, I went in and became a co signer for the safety the Casa box, as well as her checking account, and then all the checks had to be dual signed. At that point, we changed the power of attorney once she was diagnosed, pretty quickly, and had that done within five days. So it was updated the medical care directive and the financial Care Directive I was in charge of, but I still Let her write her own checks until her writing became illegible because she wanted to pay her own bills. So good.

Lisa Skinner: 00:19:22

Okay, yeah, so you really allowed her to stay as independent as you possibly could for as long as you possibly could.

Bill Walters: 00:19:31

Yes, we had some scares along the way, but yes, tell us about those. So my mom was very diligent about taking her medicine, and she would take it every day. And one day I noticed that Tuesday, and it was Tuesday, that Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays morning pills were already taken and it was 11 o'clock. The morning. So I asked my mom if she took her medicine. She goes, I think so. I said, You think so? Okay. I said, What did you take them with? She goes, water. And I said, Okay, where's your glass? Oh, I finished it. Now, she never finishes the 16 ounce glass of water. And in the morning, she's, she's, you know, four ounces here and there. The whole all the water was gone, so it's poured out for her, and it was empty. So I knew that she drank and took her pills. And so she took three times the amount that she was supposed to take, and it's medication, so I had to get on line with the poison hotline, and then read off of everything. And so for the next 24 hours, I had to keep her awake. I wasn't allowed to let her sleep, so I had to call out of work. And then I kept her active and awake for 24 straight hours until all the medicines wore off, and then she then could go and to bed. So essentially, it was a long 24 hours. I was really concerned because, because some of it was heart medication, some of it was for, you know, blood thinners and other things that she was she was on six different medicines at the time. So

Lisa Skinner: 00:21:21

after that, you had to monitor her, the admit, administration of her medications.

Bill Walters: 00:21:29

So we did something different. We we created a system, and I it's a notebook, and it's a loose leaf notebook, and we would photocopy a day in the life of my mom, and so would be the day's date. We would weigh her, we would do her pulse ox, where she'd stick her finger into get the pulse ox reading. We would write down what she had for breakfast, and then right after she had breakfast, she would take her medication. And so we would, on a Sunday, allocate the medication for the week, and we had a personal care assistant come in and place the medicine in front of her, and then we watched her take it okay and and swallow it, and then, and whatever other allocations. And then we would have mood and and we'd have a Plan time for exercise and a Plan time for music listening and TV and reading and card playing to keep her mind sharp, and then crossword puzzles. And then she was eligible for we got her physical therapies that would come in twice a week to keep her nimble. But the physical therapy was fun because it was like balloon play. Is what I call it. They would have a balloon they would play like volleyball, back and forth. So we had activities and and then I lined up twice a month senior trips for her, where her and her caretaker or myself would go with her on a trip with other seniors to see an event, to see a show, or to go go on a train ride, and, you know, do fun things, so that you would interact with other seniors, besides going to church. And then she also had a friend from church that every Wednesday, because it was senior day, she was this lady was still driving in her 80s. Would pick her up, they would go, they would go to lunch, see a movie, and then she would drop her back off. So

Lisa Skinner: 00:23:33

Well, it certainly, if I'm hearing you correctly, it certainly sounds to me like you had her on a routine that you stuck with. How did you know to do all these things from the books that you mentioned that you read, because most people aren't aware of really how to organize a person's life, to just really help maximize their greatest potential, unless you've been taught that, or you borrowed all this information and put it into place from the the difference from the research you did. So

Bill Walters: 00:24:24

it was more out of a labor of love and necessity, because if we're having caretakers come in, they need to know what worked in the past, what didn't work, what food agreed with her, which food didn't agree with her, how to take the medicine if she was going for a doctor's visit, what information to to record so it could be left for everyone to read, so that when, if I came home from work or someone else came in, we could get an analysis instantly we wanted a doctor's office, we would photocopy all the pages from the last month. Off and to give it to the doctor ahead of time, prior to the visit, and say, This is what's been going on. This is, instead of asking these questions, here's all your answers. Just have to read it in advance. So we go into the visit you can see what's happening. So it kept us organized and allowed her optimum caretaking so that anyone could step in and keep his routine in line,

Lisa Skinner: 00:25:27

consistent. Yeah, well, what you knew to do, however you knew to do, it was absolutely brilliant, and you were able to provide her with such a meaningful life for the time she had left by implementing all those things that's very obvious to me. So you know, I applaud you for having the insight to put all those things in place. I just thought of a question. You said that your mom really was a sweetheart the entire time she lived with these two diseases. And that is true even with the Lewy body dementia, because that's the one that kind of the hallmark for Lewy body dementia are very difficult behaviors and personality changes and outbursts and things like that. And you're saying you didn't see any of those, huh?

Bill Walters: 00:26:31

So the difficulty was that the outburst occurred in inopportune times, like if you told my mom that Sue Smith died, and she broke out at laughter and and she realized, by the look on her face that that wasn't the right social norm or cue, she goes, What did I do wrong? Right? And so we helped her right. And, and so that's and then maybe saying things that weren't so politically correct to the wrong person and having to excuse yourself because that's the situation that she was in. So you know that there wasn't throwing of things and breaking of things and having a tantrum or anything like that. That was not the the issue at all. You know, I think the the biggest and most difficult circumstance was the fact that she wasn't getting enough oxygen to her her brain, and she wasn't drinking enough, so she was suffering from dehydration or getting, you know, illness from, you know, having, you know, a bacterial infection, okay, and and when you have

Lisa Skinner: 00:28:01

a urinary tract infection, yeah? Okay, yep.

Bill Walters: 00:28:05

And so we, we had to find proper diapers that would last 12 hours instead of your standard diapers for adults, and which made a big difference. And we also made, we monitored how much fluid she was taking in to keep her hydrated, but she always got up and that that was the difficult part on me. Was between two and 4am and I had a bed alarm on, and we had a guard on the side of the bed, so that the moment she got up out of bed, the alarm went off, and I knew I had a sprint downstairs, open the door to the thing and meet her while she was walking to go to the bathroom. And then at that point, she also wanted to change her diaper, so I had to change her diaper, or with the pull ups, and then put her back to bed and tuck her back in and reinstall the alarm, but that waking up for essentially four straight years at between two and four really disrupted my sleep pattern and and how he's having to happen ear open for that and still function right. And then a week, and then the weekends, it was, you know, we didn't have coverage. It was just left on me. So, you know it, so if I was going some place or to an event, she was going as my third child, essentially, and went, you know, went everywhere. So,

Lisa Skinner: 00:29:38

oh, my goodness. What a what a very challenging situation that posed for you. And for those of you who might not be aware, I'm sure some of you are. Some of you aren't what Bill and I are talking about as far as the dehydration and. The urinary tract infections. These are very, very common situations that we deal with on a regular basis, not just for elderly persons. But what throws a wrench into the mix is when you add dementia into when you factor dementia into it, not only could she not communicate to bill that what she was drinking or that maybe she was experiencing discomfort with the infection, but a lot of times, people who live with dementia aren't even aware of their thirst, and it is so important to keep not just elderly people hydrated regularly, because it's very dangerous for them to become dehydrated, But then trying to also determine as the person with the healthy brain, if they are receiving enough fluids to keep them hydrated. So this is one of the biggest challenges that we face when we care for people with dementia. Would you agree with that statement? Bill 100%

Bill Walters: 00:31:22

the the hydration is very important, the the bathing every other day is extremely important. And and then monitoring, monitoring the the input, because what happens when you get dehydrated, is you start seeing things that aren't there, like spots or spiders or things like that. And then sometimes she would hear voices. She would say, the Italian men are playing bocce ball again. So instead of arguing with her, I would just say, well, what are they saying? She goes, All right, I'll tell you. And then she would tell me this story, going back and forth. What they were talking about now, where she was reliving was that when in her youth, they that's what she grew up in South Philadelphia, and that's what they used to do. They used to have a Bucha court by them, and she, her dad used to take her there and let them, let her watch these men play bocce ball. So she was going back to that time in her past, when she was a little girl, remembering what she thought was actually occurring in our backyard.

Lisa Skinner: 00:32:37

So you paid attention to the cues she was giving you the clues and the cues she was giving you so you would know where she was going back to on her life's timeline, and then you joined the her reality where she was at. How did you know? Because that's, that's what we practice today.

Bill Walters: 00:33:01

I think it's you don't want to be combative in that situation and get them agitated and irritable. So I wouldn't say, Well, stop saying that. Or I would say, Tell me more, and let me you know, I'm interested. What do they have to say? Can we learn something? And so she would get engaged and then tell us. And then I said, Okay, are they still talking? She's like, No, they stopped talking. I'm like, All right, I guess they and I have nothing more important to say. Well, we'll just continue our conversation here. Do you want to play cards? So I just tried to keep her and she was, was funny. She She was never a gambler, but I wish she was, because in cards, she always won, I don't know, no matter what game it was, she won

Lisa Skinner: 00:33:49

so and that made her happy. I would think, yeah,

Bill Walters: 00:33:52

she would smile. She, you know, even she goes, I don't feel right. I just beat, you know, my granddaughter or my grandson, and they be like, it's okay, Graham. And then, or, well, they called her Riri. It's okay, Riri, she goes. But I didn't even try to win. I just won. You know, she knew she had the right hand and she won. So it was, it was all right.

Lisa Skinner: 00:34:14

That was a joyous moment for her. Yep. So before we run out of time. We never have enough time to, you know, cover everything we want to talk about. And this is, I mean, I'm just hanging on everything you're saying. It's so reassuring to hear the things that you put into place. And I can tell that that it paid off in spades, because sounds like she was extremely happy and had a purposeful, meaningful life that you were able to create for her. So let's help our audience today by having you share some. Some of the biggest challenges that you faced while caring for your mom, because by doing that, maybe we can help some others out there today, not have to repeat the same situations that came up for you, and we can learn from how you handled those situations and what you learned from them. Do you have many,

Bill Walters: 00:35:28

five or six, but I'm going to start with the most important one. Alright, I'm my mom did not have a long term care plan in place. I was it. She didn't have a game plan for Hey, when I'm not on my A game, who's going to take care of me? So when my dad passed, I was her long term care plan. So my advice is to get something in writing with wishes from your aging parent prior to them even going at the beginning of downhill in their 60s and 70s. No start before 65 start at 60 and say you're on your A game. Now, let's get stuff in writing. I don't want any insults. I want your wishes and dreams to come true, right? The second thing is, is that remodel your bathroom with the future in mind while you're still making money, while you still have money coming in, get a bathroom on the first floor, first level, that you can go in with either a wheelchair or with assistance that has a seat in it, so that you that there's no level, there's no threshold, so that you can safely go in and make sure that the floor is anti slip and there are lift and handrails in there already, and you pay for it in advance, so that you don't have to move and adjust how you live your life. Such a big move and maneuver because you're you're planning for the future, put lift and handrails in in advance. I don't care what it looks like, it's going to help you in the future. Most accidents happen in the bathroom, right, right and and in our case, we didn't have to install cameras because she was living with us. But if, if your parents are living you kind of want to have a camera facing away from the toilet, but by the sink, so if they fall, you have a microphone. You could see them maneuvering in and out. But get rid of the tub and replace it with something you can walk in, because that's where accidents occur. That's where falls occur. Another big thing is removing those throw rugs and those hazards that are just slippery. Make sure that you get Mom, I don't care what it looks like mom, a good pair of shoes that have tread on them, not the easy sandals and slip ons that support because you don't want mom slash dad to fall, right? So you want to make sure that they're walking in something comfortable and give support. So what do I mean? Well, I what I do mean is I don't want them wearing those alligator shoes that that are all plastic, that have no support, but it's easy to get in and out, because it's simple. Make things simple. And the last thing I'm going to say is, have a you got to check your pride at the curb, okay? And and say, Mom, what do you want? Dad, what do you want? Well, I don't want to be a burden. Okay? Can you explain what that is? Okay? And get that in writing from them. And then at the end, say, is this is, and write it off for them. Is this exactly what you want your retirement to look like? You want to be able to go on vacations and see things and do things, and then if something happens, we follow your rules, right? And then we have them all detailed and lined up, because we're going to take this exact same thing and we're going to put it in, in a living trust. We're going to put in something that people can read and follow according to your wishes, dreams and desires, and we're going to laminate it for you so that if you spill something on it, or whatever it's, your your writing and your signature, so you know that you agreed to it because it's in your best interest. We're not going to do anything against your will.

Lisa Skinner: 00:39:26

Wow, I just, I just love everything you're telling us, and to have the insight to get all of these things taken care of in the beginning, you definitely created us a space for yourself and your mom that was proactive versus constantly being reactive and and scrambling around and panicking and not knowing how to deal with this or what to do about this. You. And you did that, you absolutely did that, and you are that doesn't that doesn't happen for very many people, primarily because they don't really know how to do, how to make it happen, how to be proactive. And so I'm going to ask you kind of a, I don't know, a difficult, maybe difficult question, maybe not. But do you think if you hadn't had all of the things in place that you had in place, your entire caregiving journey with your mom would have been so much different from the way it turned out, and it could have, you know, been a situation that was fraught with, you know, constant conflict and and distress. And do you ever kind of, you know, reflect back on that? And because I think this is a really important thing for people to be aware of and to understand that the life with a loved one, how no matter how much your involvement is as the primary caregiver or you're just visiting, can be very chaotic and very stressful for everybody. But as you experience bill, it didn't have to be that way, because you had everything in place once you found out her diagnosis. So what's your response to what I just said?

Bill Walters: 00:41:44

Despite having everything in place, we hit a lot of speed bumps in the Highway of life when you have to rely on others for caretaking, they suddenly their car breaks down, or they can't make it, or there's a problem with, with that, it you have to adjust and roll with the punches. And so it's, it's still a challenge. But to get organized, you know, the key thing is, is to get organized and think what you need, right, and to write things down and create a chart. And once you create a chart of needs, or you can always add to it, and it's going to help you, right? So

Lisa Skinner: 00:42:28

Well, if you're going to have to adjust it too, as they progress through the the

Bill Walters: 00:42:33

right, as it gets worse, right, as as the behavior and cognitive abilities start to decline. You're you need to adjust to how much more care is needed and and also realize that you're you gotta remember why you're doing this. You're doing it out of love. They loved you first and raised you, and even if your childhood wasn't roses and unicorns, right, it's so in your best interest to do what is right and create an environment so at least you have control over the situation, And then you have and you don't ignore her, because ignoring it or putting your head in the sand like an ostrich does not solve the problem and or it's not someone else's problem, it's yours to solve. So solve it my case. I didn't have anybody, I didn't have a brother or sister, but I see a lot of my friends where you know a brother in South Carolina and his sister in California, and they're saddled with the responsibilities of an aging mom, and they'll stop in, and they'll send they'll stop in once a quarter, and they'll drop off flowers, and they'll talk all nice, And yet it only placates the situation, because they're not there for the day to day grind. The day to day grind is what you're building memories from, and you're going to remember that. And so when the question gets asked, you did you do your best? Yes, right? Because you know you gave it all. You might have made mistakes, but the key is, is you're doing it out of love, so your mistakes out of love are forgiven. It's the mistakes of ignoring that are not forgiven.

Lisa Skinner: 00:44:28

Yeah, I can certainly relate to what you're saying, because that's what happened in my with one of my relatives in my family. So I have been in the eye of that storm, lived in that the eye of that storm before, and it's not a very pleasant place to be, but you have given us just such invaluable golden nuggets based on your experience today, I can. Not tell you, you know how you've inspired me and hopefully so many other people who either are going through this or will be going through this at some point. Is there anything that kind of hindsight is always 2020. Is there anything that you want to relay to our audience today that you figured out later on in your journey that you wished you had known in the beginning?

Bill Walters: 00:45:40

So I'm going to say this with genuine heart that I can take six years of learning and concise it into 10 minutes of time. So if the people want to contact me, they can. I'm open to receiving phone calls because I want to give them just insight, to give them an idea. They don't have to follow what I have to say word for word, but they could create their own caretaking plan around what they think is important. But I can eliminate some of the pitfalls and things not to do, and protection plans to put in place from crank phone calls and relatives taking money, and which has happened to us, and from, you know, taking advantage of situations and seeing the wrong type of doctors, all those things. And so we could get those plans in place. It's going to make that transition so much smoother. So if it's okay with you, I'll give my my cell number that people can have and they can definitely call me, or they could visit my website and and I'm happy to engage and help them. That's

Lisa Skinner: 00:46:50

very generous of you. Yeah, go ahead, give your phone number and your website so people will know how to get a hold of you. That's a sure. No problem.

Bill Walters: 00:47:01

So my cellphone number is 267-278-5062,

Bill Walters: 00:47:09

that's 267-278-5062,

Bill Walters: 00:47:15

now I work with Transamerica, but my company's name is called perfectly imperfect families plural. So it's www, dot P, E, R F, E, C T, L, Y, I M, P, E, R F, E, C T, F, A, M, I L, i e, s.com, so it's perfectly imperfect familiesploral.com, and I'm here to help. There'll be no charge for the information. It's complimentary. Okay? I just want to help people so they don't have to experience the love learning curve like I did. Yeah,

Lisa Skinner: 00:47:57

so important. There's a huge learning curve. And, you know, with people like you out there who are willing to share your experiences and advice, you're going to save a lot of people out there a lot of grief. So once again, Bill, thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing your wisdom, your insightfulness. I'm sure that this is going to touch so many people out there that will be listening to this show, and we're just really grateful for your willingness to just share. That's what it's all about. I mean, we all know who've been through this. It takes a village, right? Yep, and you didn't have it, does it? No,

Bill Walters: 00:48:53

no, I didn't have a village. But, you know, through the grace and power of God, it all worked out. So yeah, I mean,

Lisa Skinner: 00:49:04

yeah, well, I'm glad that you have such fond memories of your mom at the end of the the at the end of the tunnel, when you finally got to the end of the tunnel, because I'm sure that a lot of those moments were not easy for you or for her. So thanks again for being here, and my best wishes to you, and thanks again for your commitment and your dedication and your generosity and helping other people in the dementia world we'll call their journey. Thanks again.

Bill Walters: 00:49:42

Well, thank you for being such a kind host with such an open heart and giving me the opportunity to share my story. I appreciate it and blessings to you and all your friends and family.

Lisa Skinner: 00:49:54

You're very, very welcome. It's been a pleasure having you here. So this will wrap it. Up for this edition of the truth lies and Alzheimer's show. I'm Lisa Skinner, your host, and I will be back next week with another new episode of the truth lies and Alzheimer's show. In the meantime, please take care of yourselves and have a great rest of your week, and we'll see you back next week. Thanks. Bye, bye for now.